Memory and Longing in my Poem “The Shelf Gallery”

“the running kites”

Kites symbolize freedom, but they also carry a quiet fragility.

When I wrote this line, I imagined the desire to rise higher than the circumstances around me. At that point in my academic life, I wanted to prove myself—to excel, to achieve, to be seen.

While I was thinking about home and the fields of my childhood, I was also reminding myself that I had dreams waiting beyond the horizon.

“hours she counts”

When I wrote this line, I was referring to the previous lines.

It may refer to the moments I’ve spent with my grandmother, her last days, and her dying moments. It brought me back to the days when I spent time with her, her trying to battle her geriatric years and the diseases that caught up to her old years.

In hindsight, I also thought she counted the hours down to her final breath. If she thought about us… was she happy?

This may also refer to my mother, who counted the hours of spending time with our childhood. Did she think we grew up too fast? Did she wish we’d be children forever?

And I also thought about being excited to grow up. Seeing young adults going home during their college years, I couldn’t wait to grow up. I counted down the minutes until my Ma finished teaching me so I could play. But also, I counted down the years until I’d be able to teach myself things and be self-sufficient.

I counted down the years of being in the garden, of being with the girls, of being home. It also refers to the time I wouldn’t be in the garden… but I also anticipate the time when I’d be back home.

I also reminisce about flying kites on a summer afternoon. I await the day when my dreams would finally be like the kites…

This line invokes patience and discipline involved in practicing an art form. Learning the music of life, writing, or any creative craft requires long hours of effort.

“years of pilgrimage, colorless”

The phrase “years of pilgrimage” suggests a long journey of growth and searching.

The preceding lines are testament to this phrase. From early girlhood to wanting to become old and being old reminiscing the past.

Finally, “colorless” may imply monotony or sacrifice during the process of learning. Leaving the town to reach my dreams, missing home, and being confused with my life – it felt like I’ve ran out of sunshine.

I was busy finishing college, and when I left home, it was like I also left the one thing I love the most – writing.

“blazing is the world, harriet reclaimed her art”

In contrast to the previous line, this phrase suggests that creativity can illuminate even the darkest seasons of life.

The name Harriet, which can mean “ruler of the home,” felt symbolic to me.

Writing had always been my home.

In this line, I imagined reclaiming that space again.

“that remains of the day”

This line recalls the “art” that I have written in the past. The diaristic entries, letters, poems, and stories that I left at home.

Being away, this line reflects on regret, dignity, and memory. In the poem, the reference reinforces the theme of reflection on the past.

My soul troubled me with these thoughts – “What happened to my drafts?” “Am I gonna stop writing?” “Will I regret this?”