How are you doing? Did you ever feel like I stole your thunder, that you were invisible? Or maybe you’ve quietly thanked me for carrying so much, so you didn’t have to. Sometimes I envy you. I wish I could set aside responsibility, toss my cares to the wind, and simply be—free from birth order, expectations, family, and community. I just want to be myself.
But whoever I am, whatever I’ve been, and whatever I may become, my nature is woven into who I am. I am our father’s daughter, our mother’s daughter, and your oldest sister. And you—you fill the empty spaces of my roles. You fill the gaps, and I am more grateful to you than words could ever say.
I sometimes imagine what it would be like to switch places with you, but I know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I could never live your life, and I know you’re happy with who you are. I want you to know how proud I am of you, and how overjoyed I am for the person you’ve become—and are still becoming. It’s my deepest hope that you continue to achieve your goals and realize your dreams.
I may not have had an older sibling to look up to, someone to take notes from, but I am grateful you have me—and I am grateful I have you. I didn’t need older siblings because having you both—my younger sisters—in my life was enough. When people learned we were all girls, they’d sometimes say our parents should’ve had boys too. But I think we’ve been perfectly fine with the dynamics of our home.
Girlhood with you was one of the highlights of my life. Remember twinning outfits as kids? We dressed the same, and somehow I never felt alone. I knew I had a friend. We didn’t bicker much as children. Sure, we had our differences, but we never had big arguments—and that’s a testament to the kind of upbringing we shared.
Dressing as twins may have led people to compare you to me. I wish you never carried their words in your heart. You are your own person, and you never had to live in my shadow. In this lifetime, you were meant to be the part of me that humbles me, the quiet to my loudness, the steady to my impulsiveness.
We’re getting older now, and sooner or later we’ll build our own families and leave home. I get emotional thinking about that. If we’d known adulthood would pull us in different directions—you to work somewhere else, and me to another place—we would’ve made the most of every moment together.
Now, as I reflect on my past, I can see how you’ve helped shape who I am, and how I helped shape who you are. In this lifetime, I appreciate you.
All my love,
Joy